The Shining Meets BSO
by De Felton
Summary: Yup, just watched the Shining. Imagine me, Erica, Morgan, and Julie alone in a hotel... Not one of my better ones, but definently dumber than hell.
1. 1

*You've read the latest reviews from the out of the BOS format story, originally written by Andrea. But now I'm taking over. Her story was so. uneventful. And when Bloodred Roses reviewed, we knew we had to change it. She/He's right, that's so OOC! So, let's get back on track, shall we? I'd like to dedicate this chaotic tale to that whore of hell, who's review was supposed to "hurt" yet only succeeded in a dumber story! ~DE*  
  
Oh dear, you stupid bitch, you have no idea what you have done! ~Andrea  
  
YoU sUk YoU fAtAsS cAnO nOw We HaVe To ReAd A "rEvEsEeId" VeRsIoN! ~Khryz  
  
Revised version, khryz, you moron. And de hasn't written it alone. Dear god, what have you done? ~Joni  
  
~*~Chapter One- Never underestimate the stupidity of girls in groups!~*~  
Once upon a time there were four teenage girls who were completely and utterly insane. De, Erica, Julie, and Morgan. De was probably the most moronic one and liked to write retarded stories for her friends to read online. Morgan was her cousin and just a little less idiotic- because it ran in the family- and had a bad habit of buying hermit crabs. Julie also liked writing stories online but they were serious, unlike De's, and they also had a plot. Erica wrote serious plot-included stories, and liked older men.  
So anyway these four girls woke up one morning and decided to go to England. They lived all over the country but somehow manage to catch the same plane to London. De and Erica were both madly in love with at least one British guy- unfortunently both the guys Erica liked were old and wrinkled and on viagra, but that's another story- so they decided to track down the one they both liked, Tom Felton.  
Morgan, who had grown up with De's obnoxious ravings about Tom, wasn't thrilled about the idea so she went shopping for hermit crabs. Julie had recently read a story called Harry Potter, and seen the movies. So after an hour of going door to door in Surrey looking for Tom, they decided to set out and see if there was really a castle. Morgan had bought a hermit crab in a pink shell which she named Hermie after the gay elf. So anyway, they got a car from an old lady selling cheese and drove it around the country looking for signs of a magical land inhabited by funky people casting spells and poking each other out with their sticks. I mean wands. After an hour or so they got tired and decided to stay in a hotel. They somehow had enough money to stay in a very expensive hotel in the middle of London.  
They all shared a room. They were the only ones in the hotel and even the workers had left. They said that it was because a horrible monster lived in the basement of the hotel and came out at night. De and Morgan, being the brave spics they were, still wanted to stay the night. Julie and Erica were a little hesitant but in the end decided to stay too.  
Their room was by the door to the basement and since there were no other people in the hotel they left it open. De and Morgan shared one of the beds, Erica and Julie shared the other. They watched some TV before going to bed. It was the California Raisins and De hid under the covers for most of it. They finally went to bed at 9.  
At 10:30 De heard footsteps in the hall.  
"Morgan, wake up!" She called, shaking her cousin.  
"Hmm?" Morgan groaned, swatting De's hand away. "What?"  
"There's someone in the hall!" De jumped off the bed and woke Erica and Julie. "You guys, someone broke into the hotel!"  
"It's probably just someone checking in," Erica said, rubbing her eyes. "Go back to sleep, what time is it?"  
"Midnight," Morgan said, glancing at the clock on the bedside table. "I'll go out and check." She pushed herself out of bed and stuck her head out of the room. "No one out there, De." She reported, pulling herself back into the room. "But I think I'm going to go to the lobby to see if anyone's back yet."  
"Okay," De said, sighing as she sat back down in bed.  
Erica and Julie fell back to sleep, but De waited for Morgan to return. After ten minutes, she heard a scream from the lobby. De jumped out of bed again and ran out into the hall.  
She gasped as her eyes landed on the twisted, horrifying figure crouched over her cousin. Then she screamed. 


	2. 2

~*~Chapter Two- Monster Unmasked~*~  
"Oh my God!" Julie cried from behind De. "It's hideous!"  
"What is that thing?" Erica asked, her voice shaking with fear and disgust.  
"It's some kind of. alien life form!" De exclaimed. "Oh, man, we've been invaded by slime and fungus covered mutants!"  
"Oh, wow!" Morgan said as she sat up. "You sure are ugly. I guess it's true, the camera really does add ten pounds. What are you, 2-D?"  
"Morgan, you're alive!" De cried, running over to her cousin. She pushed the creature out of the way, and when she withdrew her hand it was covered in what looked like mucus. "Ew, nasty!"  
"Of course I'm alive," Morgan said, standing up and straightening her hair. "She just scared the living hell out of me. I haven't seen something that ugly since the Backstreet Boy's debut album."  
De shuddered. "And that was pretty damn ugly."  
"What do you mean, she?" Julie asked Morgan, still eyeing the creature- which was now making a strange noise that resembled nails on a chalkboard. It was apparently trying to talk.  
"I mean that's a she." Morgan continued to play with her hair.  
"So aliens do have genders?"  
"That's not an alien," Morgan said, laughing. "That's an actress."  
"Like the kind of actress Brittney Spears was in Crossroads?"  
"No, much worse," Morgan frowned and shook her head solemnly. "This is the kind of actress that has ruined thousands of innocent peoples' eyesights. Just by looking at her. And I can't believe she hooked such an unbelievably hot guy. That succubus."  
"You don't mean." De let her voice trail off, her face etched in worry.  
Morgan nodded. "I do."  
"Who? Who is that?" Erica asked, looking between the two cousins and the monster cowering in the corner of the room.  
"Don't you recognize her?" De asked, raising her eyes to Erica's.  
"No, should I?"  
De shrugged. "You'd recognize her with her makeup on."  
"She's an Olsen twin?" Julie gasped. "We're done for!"  
"No, she's worse," Morgan shook her head again. "She's British."  
"Oh, no!" Erica moaned. "She's a British Olsen twin!"  
De glanced sideways at the creature before saying, "You don't understand. She's worse than the Olsen twins combined. She's a prep and. dates older guys. Older guys that she doesn't deserve."  
"Oh, my God!" Erica cried, clapping a hand to her mouth. "She's Emma Watson!" 


	3. 3

~*~Chapter Three- S.W.U Attack~*~  
De nodded. "There's a plus to this though."  
"What's that?" Julie asked, raising an eyebrow. "I don't see a plus."  
"She has a cellphone," Morgan said, glancing at De and nodding. "With numbers stored on it."  
"Well, so do I," Erica said, motioning to their room. "That's nothing special."  
"Think, Erica, for the love of God, think!" De cried, shaking her by the shoulders.  
"Stop it!" Erica said, pushing De away. "I'm thinking, but I don't think she knows anyone. that we would want. to. know." She grinned.  
"That's right," Morgan said nodding. "I'll bet she has Tom's number stored there. And maybe Sean's."  
"And Alan and Jason?" Erica asked hopefully.  
De nodded. "She's probably slept with them on more than one occasion."  
Erica shook her head. "That bitch."  
There was a soft thump as the front door opened and then shut. De and Morgan turned in time to see a blonde girl and a brunette girl walk into the lobby.  
"Hello, we are the S.W.U," The blonde said in a familiar voice.  
"You're that chick from Disney!" Morgan exclaimed, standing up and pointing. "And you're the one from Nickelodeon."  
They both nodded. "We are the Super Whores United." The brunette said.  
"I knew they were whores, didn't I?" De asked Morgan. "I told you."  
Morgan nodded. "Yeah, you told me."  
"We heard that one of our members was not wearing makeup," The blonde said.  
"Wait, who are you?" Julie asked, looking between them. "I mean, your names."  
"I am Hillary Duff and she is Amanda Bynes."  
"Oh, yeah," Julie said, nodding. "I've seen some of your stuff."  
"Unfortunently," Morgan muttered.'  
"So there really is an underground association of famous whores," De said, sitting down against the counter and hugging her knees. "I should have known."  
Amanda nodded. "Yes. Only whores of our magnitude could become actresses."  
Hillary nodded. "And now that you know our secret, we must prepitize you."  
"What?" Erica asked. "Prepitize?"  
"Make you into preps, like us," Amanda reached into her pocket and pulled out a bottle of squeeze on glitter. "Prepare to be prepitized."  
"Nooo!" Morgan wailed, grabbing De's forearm. "You can't! I have too much to live for!"  
"Not glitter!" De said breathlessly. "Anything but glitter!"  
Amanda walked over to Morgan and De, and stood over them with the bottle of glitter poised over their heads. She glanced at Hillary, who nodded, then squeezed hard. A stream of glittery gel hit De and Morgan on the top of their heads, and drizzled down their faces. De's screamed and clawed furiously at her face.  
"Get it off, get it off!" De yelled, wiping her eyes on her sleeve.  
"Oh, the pain!" Morgan moaned. "I'm dying."  
"Don't go into the light," De muttered, her voice getting softer. "Stay away from the light."  
"Why, what's the light?" Morgan asked, her voice shaking.  
"A gymnasium," De's arms became limp and fell to her sides.  
"What's in the gym?"  
"A. pep rally." De made an odd gurgling noise, then collapsed against Morgan.  
"You killed her!" Erica cried, looking horrified.  
"Gross, a dead body," Julie said, making a face.  
"She's not dead," Amanda said, stepping back. "When she wakes up, she'll be a cheerleader."  
Erica glared at her. "Then you're dead."  
"Oh, yeah? And I suppose you'll kill me?"  
"Wrong," A voice said from behind them. "I will."  
Erica turned around. "You!" 


	4. 4

~*~Chapter Four- Fret for your Alan~*~  
"What are you doing here?" Julie asked, looking amazed. "You're."  
"Even hotter in person!" Erica exclaimed, running over and hugging the figure in the hallway. "You're so hot! I can't believe I'm actually meeting you? Can I have your autograph?"  
De's head snapped up. "Like, Morgan, like what's like going like on?"  
"Like, I like don't like know! Like, the like last like thing like I like remember like is like you like putting like on like glitter."  
"Like, glitter like is like the like greatest like thing like ever!"  
"Like, totally!" Morgan cried shrilly.  
"Oh, my God!" Julie exclaimed. "What did you do to them?"  
"I told you," Hillary said, smiling. "We prepitized them."  
"Like, oh my God, like I like need like to like shop like for like pink like clothes!" De said, sitting up. "Like, oh my God, like I like need like to like brush like my like hair like a like thousand like times!"  
"Like, wow, like, De, your like nails like are like black!"  
"That's disgusting," Julie said, shaking her head. "You're disgusting."  
"Oh, my God!" Erica was saying. "Do you have a girlfriend? Want to go back to my hotel room?"  
"Erica!" Julie exclaimed. "Do you not see the super whores and De over here?"  
"Of course I do," Erica said, rolling her eyes. "It's just that I talk to De all the time, but how often to I get to talk to Alan Rickman?"  
"If you're insane, every day. Now help me get rid of Amanda Bynes and Hillary Duff."  
"That's why I'm here," Alan said, stepping out of the shadows and dragging Erica into the lobby with him. She was hugging his waist and looking up dreamily at him.  
"Sing for me, Alan?" Erica asked, smiling.  
"Like, Morgan, like do like you like feel like weird?" De asked, looking at her cousin. "Like, I like don't like talk like like this."  
"Like, me like neither. Like, I like remember like her like putting like glitter like on like us." Morgan answered, pointing at Amanda Bynes. "Like, that like must have like messed like us like up."  
"Like, I'll like never like be like able like to like face like the like world like again!" De groaned. "Like, we like have like to like fight like her."  
"Like, yeah, like kick like her like ass."  
"Like, bitchy like prep." De shook her head and climbed to her feet. "Like, you're like going like down."  
"Like totally." Morgan stood up and rushed over to Amanda. She grabbed the glitter out of her hand and grabbed a handful of her hair. Morgan yanked Amanda's head back and drop kicked her.  
De rushed over to Hillary and left hooked her. After a few minutes, the two had managed to drag them into an empty room and lock them in. De smacked herself hard, then looked at Morgan who did the same.  
"Did it work?"  
"Yeah, we aren't talking like we're on the prep squad anymore!" Morgan exclaimed happily. "Thank God."  
De looked around the room and her eyes landed on Alan. "Um, you're Alan Rickman."  
He nodded.  
"Why are you here?" She raised an eyebrow. "You aren't a whore too, right?"  
"De, show some respect!" Erica cried, hurrying over to her and pushing her onto her knees. "Bow down to him."  
"But, I don't wanna!" De protested, trying to stand up. "He's ugly."  
Erica gasped. "He saved your life!"  
"He did not," Morgan said, frowning. "We did."  
"His presence here gave you the strength to overcome their evil makeup," Erica explained. "Without him, you would have never realized something was wrong."  
"Erica, he's an actor!" Morgan exclaimed.  
"And not a very good one." De added, nodding. "He isn't a god."  
"But. he might have Tom's digits!" Morgan looked at Alan. "Do you?"  
Alan nodded. "Yes. Why?"  
De smiled. "Excellent." She laughed evily.  
Alan shook his head. "Americans are weird." 


	5. 5

~*~Chapter Five- Someone's in the hotel~*~  
Ten minutes later, they decided to call it a night. They also decided to split up and each take their own room. De found a room on the opposite side of the hotel, and Morgan stayed across the hall from her. Julie was across the hall from Erica, who was next to Alan. De was the last to retire to her room.  
As she made her way towards her room, she heard the sound of running water. It echoed in the hallway, but judging from the soft sound of Morgan snoring, it hadn't woken anyone up. De crept down the hall to her room and opened the door. The noise was louder inside the room, and she could tell it was coming from the bathroom. The door was half shut, and a beam of yellow light flooded into the dark room.  
She took a deep breath and pushed the door open. The tub was half full of water, and the stopper was in the drain. She looked around the bathroom, making sure it was empty. She figured it had been Morgan- maybe her bath didn't work, and she had decided to use De's, then fallen asleep- and turned off the water. She yawned, turned off the light, and pushed the door fully open. She turned on the single light that hung over the bed, and gasped.  
"Oh, my God!" She cried as her eyes landed on the figure in the bed. "Holy hell you scared me." She took a few deep breaths while leaning against the wall. "Wait, who are you?"  
The boy on the bed didn't say anything. He just continued to stare up at her, not moving.  
De raised an eyebrow. "Oh, man, I'm sorry, I didn't realize anyone else was in this room. They told us we were the only ones and when I checked earlier there wasn't anyone."  
He still didn't say anything. He didn't blink or even appear to be breathing.  
De tilted her head and studied his face. "Do I know you?"  
She hadn't expected an answer.  
She sighed and pulled her hair back behind her shoulders. "Look, if you snuck in I ain't gonna rat you out, if that's what you're afraid of."  
He stood up slowly, crossed the room, and stood a few inches away from De. She leaned back as far as she could and groped behind her, trying to find the doorknob. "Well, I'll be leaving now."  
She turned and twisted the knob. But before she could open the door, she felt a hand on her shoulder. Instinctively, she whirled around with her elbow aimed at the boy's jaw. It made contact, but he didn't flinch. De, however, had made a very important discovery. "Hey, you're hot."  
He still didn't move. De was starting to get unnerved, but held her ground. "Are you from England?"  
She took a step backwards, closer to the door, and he took one forward. "Look, man, my cousin's across the hall and my friends are staying downstairs. If you do anything, they'll notice."  
He took another step forward, and she shoved him hard. He didn't budge. "Oh, God, what are you, a body builder?" She rubbed the palms of her hands. "You're fucking freezing, you know that? You probably ran the bath then."  
She twisted the knob and pushed the door open. Before he could stop her, she ran across the hall and opened Morgan's door. "Morg!" She yelled. "There's someone else in the hotel! He was in my room!"  
Morgan sat up. "Go back to sleep. There's no one here."  
"Go look," De urged, dragging her cousin out of the room. "He's in my room, come on and-" She stopped as her eyes registered the empty room.  
"Oh, yes," Morgan said sarcastically. "He looks absolutely ferocious. However did you survive the mere sight of his bulging muscles and maniacal gaze?"  
"Morgan, I swear-"  
"I'm going to bed," Morgan said, shaking her head and leaving the room, shutting the door behind her.  
De hurried to the bathroom. She turned on the light and looked in the tub. The drain had been pulled, and the water was gone. She hurried into the room and checked under the bed, behind the curtains and in the closet, but there was no sign of the intruder. She turned and went back into the bathroom. She splashed a handful of water over her face and dried herself with a hand towel. Her eyes landed again on the empty tub.  
She dropped the towel and hurried over, kneeling beside the bathtub. She reached a shaking hand to the bottom of the tub, and ran it around the floor, searching. She pulled it back, and looked at her hand. She pressed it against her face, then gasped.  
The tub was dry. 


	6. 6

~*~Chapter Six- All work and no play makes Alan a dull boy~*~  
Meanwhile, Erica was sitting with her ear pressed against the door that connected her and Alan's rooms. She had been listening to the steady click of a computer keyboard for over an hour. She wondered what Alan could possibly be typing at one in the morning. She looked around the room, then finally stood up and pushed the door open.  
"Alan?" She asked softly. "Are you still awake?"  
"Yes." He answered, still typing.  
"What are you doing?"  
"Writing."  
"Writing what?"  
"The script for a new movie I had in mind."  
"Oh, I see," Erica stepped into the room. "May I come in?"  
"Yes."  
"What's the movie called?"  
"I don't know."  
"What's it about?"  
"I'm not sure."  
Erica sat down on the edge of the bed. "So you don't know anything about it?"  
"I know who's going to be in it."  
"Well that's a start. Who?"  
"Brad Pitt and Jennifer Lopez."  
"That's. a good choice," Erica said nervously. "So, you live in England?"  
"Yes."  
"Do you like England?"  
"Yes."  
"That's nice," Erica drummbed her fingers on the top of the bed beside her.  
Alan stopped typing and leaned back in his chair. He murmered something Erica couldn't hear.  
"Sorry, what'd you say?" Erica asked, leaning closer to him. "I didn't hear."  
"All work and no play makes Alan a dull boy," He repeated, standing up.  
"That's nice, too, I guess."  
"All work and no play makes Alan a dull boy."  
Erica was starting to get nervous. "I'm going to go back to my room."  
"All work and no play makes Alan a dull boy."  
"Alright, goodnight then," Erica started towards the door into the hallway. She opened it and shut it softly, then knocked on Julie's door. "Julie, you awake?"  
"Yeah, it's open," Julie called.  
Erica pushed the door open and locked it behind her. "Julie, Alan's scaring me."  
"Oh, I'm sorry," Julie had the light on, and was sitting on the bed, reading a magazine. There was a knock on the door. "Who is it?" She called.  
"Alan."  
"Oh, no." Erica groaned.  
"Come in, it's unlocked," Julie replied loud enough for him to hear. The knob slowly turned.  
"No, Julie!" Erica cried. "He's. insane."  
Alan appeared in the doorway. "All work and no play makes Alan a dull boy."  
"Huh?" Julie raised her eyes to him.  
"All work and no play makes Alan a dull boy."  
"Oh, from the Shining!" Julie smiled. "Good movie."  
"All work and no play makes Alan a dull boy." He pulled something out from behind his back, and Erica screamed. 


	7. 7

~*~Chapter Seven- M.I.A~*~  
Morgan lay awake in her bed, staring up at the ceiling. She remembered the look on her cousin's face, a look she hadn't seen before. Helplessness, fear. maybe there was something really wrong with De. Could she have really imagined someone in her room? Morgan turned onto her side and stared at the digital clock on her bedside table. One thirty four, the florescent yellow numbers seemed to burn into her mind.  
She heard a soft scream, and sat up in bed. She strained her ears to hear any noise. After a few minutes of sitting in silence and holding her breath, she relaxed and lay back on her bed.  
"Morgan, stop being paranoid," She scolded herself. "You're acting like a child."  
She reached across the bed and found the extra pillow, which she put over her face to block out the hall lights. It didn't help her fall asleep. She sighed and stood up, then walked outside into the hallway. She tapped lightly on De's door.  
"Who's there?" De called.  
"Me. Let me in."  
Morgan waited as her cousin undid the locks and dragged something across the room. She opened the door, and Morgan stepped inside. De relocked the door and pushed the bedside table back under the doorknob.  
"Hi." She said, panting slightly. "Why are you here?"  
Morgan shrugged. "I was worried about you."  
"I'm fine," De shrugged. "Just waiting till morning."  
Morgan nodded. "You really saw someone, didn't you?"  
De blinked. "Yes."  
"Oh." Morgan glanced at the bed. "Can I sit?"  
De nodded. "Go ahead."  
"Have you heard from Erica or Julie?" Morgan asked as she sat on the edge of the bed, wondering whether or not to tell De about the scream.  
De shook her head. "No, I guess they're asleep. Why?"  
Morgan shrugged. "Just wondering if they're awake too. Then we could leave."  
De sat next to Morgan. "What's wrong?"  
Morgan shook her head. "Nothing. Why?"  
"I've known you my entire life," De said softly. "I can tell when you're upset."  
Morgan looked down at the carpet. "Well, I wouldn't say I'm upset."  
"What's wrong, then? Why do you look like you've just seen a murder?"  
Morgan took a deep breath. "I think I heard a scream from downstairs."  
"What?!" De cried, standing abruptly. "Who? Erica? Julie?"  
"I don't know," Morgan moaned, shaking her head. "I don't even know if I heard it. I could have been dreaming."  
De ran to the door and pushed the table out of the way.  
Morgan stood up. "Where are you going?"  
"Downstairs obviously," De said, unlocking the door and pulling it open. "Are you coming with me or not?"  
"I have a feeling I'm going to regret this," Morgan said as she followed De into the hall. They hurried down the stairs and stopped at Erica's room. Morgan knocked on the door. "Erica?"  
There wasn't an answer.  
"She might be in Julie's room," De suggested, turning and rapping on Julie's door. "Julie? Erica?"  
There still wasn't an answer.  
"Alan?" Morgan cried, pounding on his door. "Are you in there?"  
"They left!" De exclaimed. "They left without us!"  
"Wait," Morgan said, opening Alan's door. "His room's unlocked."  
She turned on the light, and De followed her inside. "Oh, his computer's on." De said, crossing the room. "Let's see if they left a note or something."  
She scanned the monitor screen quickly, then turned to Morgan. "Hey, Morg, does 'all work and no play makes Alan a dull boy' sound familiar?"  
Morgan nodded. "Yeah, it does. Why?"  
"It's on his computer," De said, motioning to it. "About five hundred times."  
Morgan crossed the room and read it. "Wow, someone was bored."  
De nodded. "Yeah, I guess he was. But where have I heard that before?"  
"A movie, probably," Morgan said, shrugging. "I think it's from that one movie about the hotel in Colorado."  
"The Shining," De said, nodding. "Yeah, you're right."  
"So, what does that mean?" Morgan asked nervously. "He's gone insane?"  
De shrugged. "He could have. I wouldn't be surprised."  
"Why don't we go and check on the S.W.U?" Morgan suggested. "Maybe they've seen something."  
De nodded. "Okay." 


End file.
